Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
