I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
