I'm gonna have a badass scar
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
