I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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