I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm at about main and main street
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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