It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe