Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
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and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
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Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is