you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.