I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
