I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
