I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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