my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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