The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
