I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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