I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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