you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
