Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
