I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
