whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
