Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
