if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
