careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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