When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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