you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
