I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
