Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
