1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
