Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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