we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
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As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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