i used baking grease as lip gloss
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just high enough for therapy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
