Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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