i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
