i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
