My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
