my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
