do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
