Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
