Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sober January is a disaster.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
