So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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