In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
