How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
