So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
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Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
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Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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