You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
