The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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