so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
