Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Enjoy the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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