Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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