Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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