meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You work out of a Hotel?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
