Christians are straight up FREAKS
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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