Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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