I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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