Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Shame - the story of my life.
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