you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
