I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
