and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
