we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
