Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
