One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
