Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
