That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
