Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
