u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
