the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Randomize
