Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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