i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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