You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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