you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
