Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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