I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
