I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
