Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
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We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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